Day of love? Or satanic plot?
These are the days that try men’s souls. And women’s.
I speak not of our nation’s economic woes, nor of the mountains of snow threatening to collapse our roofs. No, ladies and gentlemen, I speak of the days leading up to Valentine’s Day.
When your husband is going to die…you don’t believe it. Even when you hear the word terminal, you don’t believe it.
However, when your husband’s heart has just stopped beating and his mother is standing in your kitchen with her slacks down around her knees because, along with being emotionally numb at the loss of her child, she has the (as yet undiagnosed) beginnings of Alzheimer’s…. and your 4 year-old-son is skipping cheerily through the house proclaiming in a sing-songy voice, “Daddy’s dead!…Daddy’s dead!”…well, you begin to believe the nightmare you have just walked into.
(I may have written this story a few years ago…but it continues to ring true, dear readers!)
After being involved in a variety of dating situations with a variety of men…and after experiencing a variety of levels of frustration…I eventually realized something that was rather disturbing. And very, very sad. Many men have been married…many men have ended up divorced…yet, many of these men have never really been in love. They got married, but they weren’t head-over-heels, madly and passionately in love. Never. Not even on their wedding day. This was shocking to me. Truly. I suppose I just always imagined that all people felt the way that Drew and I felt about one another when we tied the proverbial knot.
Ok, so I wrote this story in the early summer of 2008. And I just had a repeat of the same incident. Except all three of my children were in attendance. I was still annoyed…but I didn’t end up throwing myself onto my bed and weeping. So I guess I’m making progress in the grieving/healing department. Phew!
Today would have been Drew’s birthday. His 50th. Yikes. I always know I’ve come a long way in my grieving process when I’m awake for an hour or two before it dawns on me, “Today would have been _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .” (fill in the special occasion of your choice). In the early days, months and years….I’d live in dread of the upcoming holiday/ anniversary/birthday, etc. Eventually, I didn’t live in dread, but what would happen was almost worse. Because I’d be going along, living my life…aware that one of these special days was approaching, but not really focusing on it. Then…BAM! ZOWIE! it would suddenly be before me and I’d just fall apart.
Dearest, most patient and forgiving reader: It feels like an eternity since I’ve penned my last blog post. Last night, however, brought an event so traumatic…so life-altering….so memorable… that I could barely keep my fingertips off of my keyboard when I finally got the chance to reflect upon it this evening.
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