There’s an old adage….”Don’t burn your bridges.”

I’ve been thinking about that old adage a lot as of late…and about burning things… as the kids beg me to let them start a fire in our vintage fireplace nearly every night.  The one that looks charming but sucks the heat out of our poorly insulated vintage house.  And, I’ve also been thinking about bridges. And the whole concept.  And, btw, I know that I’m not supposed to begin sentences with “and”…but, I don’t really care.  I like to start sentences with “and” so please don’t write to me about it.  Ooooh…that sounded a bit defensive!

Note to self: Make appointment w/therapist to delve into possible unresolved issues w/ grammar school teacher who taught me about proper sentence structure.

So my thoughts at this point in my life are running to the side that says, “Hey, that’s a stupid old adage.”

This opinion was solidified when I happened to stumble upon a website containing a blog posting containing a thought on the whole “don’t burn any bridges” rule.  The thought was the following: when we operate out of the fear of not destroying relationships or burning bridges to people and things…it can, in fact, be a type of imprisonment.  Self-imposed bars that keep us from standing up for what we know is right. That sometimes keep us from being true to ourselves and our own sense of fairness.  Believing in a concept as some “across-the-board truth” doesn’t allow us the room be true to our own power and our own intrinsic value.

So, whoever wrote those few words that inspired me to think more deeply and to question things like old adages – things we just “accept” as truths and allow to have an influence over the way we operate in our world – thank you.

The best part about being widowed and having your priorities quickly thrown into order is that you are set free from the ridiculousness of rules and adages and all of the things that hold many other people captive. I can see clearly that some bridges are best burned.  I myself am 100% certain that I don’t need to waste one day hanging onto an ill-built structure that I will likely end up falling through one day as I try to cross the Hudson River. If it’s a choice between being true to my instincts…or not being true to them, and getting hurt…I say, why not create a little smoke?  There are helicopters and kayaks and things like that.  We don’t always always need bridges.  In fact, sometimes they are a crutch that keep us stuck by allowing us the safety of knowing we can always “go back” if we want to.  Life is not about backwards…it’s about forward motion.

No…I used to believe in that adage. But not anymore.  In fact, when I left my very first full-time job, a job at a PR agency…a job that, after 16 months or so, left me feeling as if I had worked there for 16 years…well, I left there with flames behind me.  I mean, I totally burned that bridge.  And I think I always felt a twinge of guilt for the destruction.  However, 30 something years have passed, and I have never needed that bridge. Which makes the guilt seem just ridiculous. As all guilt is.  Ridiculous.

So…my thought is this:  Do what you need to do. Sometimes you need to take a stand. Sometimes you need to move on.  Sometimes it’s good to burn things and blow things up and chop them to hell. Metaphorically, of course.  I mean. I am not looking to initiate actual violence or start a rash of criminal activity upon structures paid for by our tax dollars, for heaven’s sake. I don’t want to read in the paper tomorrow morning that you were outside in your underwear at 2 AM with a stick of dynamite or anything.  Don’t misunderstand my intentions.  I mean, clearly, if you are going to destroy any property…best to confine it to your own home.  * As an aside: A few of you out there are aware that I am still trying to fill in the dents in my nice hardwood bedroom floor where I took out my passionate anger on an old boyfriend’s piece of artwork with the claw end of a hammer a couple of months back.  My poor floor. I should have just thrown the piece of artwork in the fireplace, instead.  Or sold it on eBay and made some money!

Bad bridges. Bad relationships. Bad anything.  Why muck up your life with bridges to things that no longer lead your heart to something good?  Cut your losses.  Be true to your own soul.  Move on.  Stand firm in your convictions. You can’t always keep bridges in place. Even when you want to. Sometimes they just fall apart and there is no repairing them.  Not everyone is going to like you if you operate under these guidelines…but at least you can smile inside…knowing something better may be just a kayak ride away. Sometimes you just have to dismantle the bridge, throw the wood in the fireplace…and Burn, Baby, Burn.

p.s.  As always,please remember: THIS IS A GUILT-FREE BLOG ZONE!