GRIEF
GRIEF/ DEATH:
FUNERALS 101: HEY! THIS ISN’T THE CLASS I SIGNED UP FOR!
Florists. Reception locales. Open bar? No bar? Newspaper announcements.
The search for the perfect dress. We all know weddings are a LOT of work,
and oh so stressful. But isn’t it all worth it when you get to the big day? Of course
it is. Oh, but wait! This isn’t a wedding. All the work, but none of the fun? What the hell!
Stories in Volume I of this collection include:
- The Casket.
- The Flowers.
- The Headstone.
TISSUE LINT ON YOUR EYELASHES.
Are you a hankie person, or a tissue person?
I find hankies charming and sentimental. They remind me of my grandmother. The cute
little lacy edges and crisp linen. But let’s face it, they’re great for the funeral and when
you want to make a public statement of good taste and demonstrate your fashion sense…
but once you delicately blow your nose into one of them, you really don’t want to reuse it.
Tissues are clearly the way to go when you are doing serious grieving. Which means
serious crying. There is no such thing as speed grieving. So stock up. And please…no
matter how desperate you become, stay away from the temptation to use lesser paper
goods. No paper towels or, God forbid, toilet tissue. Even in the depths of despair, it is
important to maintain one’s sense of dignity and self-respect.
Stories in Volume I of this collection include:
- Grief: Crying, crying…and more crying.
- His Clothes. His Stuff. His Junk.
- Table for Four.
GRIEF/ AUTONOMY:
YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS AN AFTERLIFE.
The wake is over. The funeral is over. The endless stream of loaves of banana bread
has ceased. You’ve stopped crying long enough to actually think about what you’re
going to do with the rest of your life. Oh s_ _ _! Now you have to figure out how you’re
going to be happy again. And here you thought the hard part was behind you. Yikes!
Stories in Volume I of this collection include:
- Autonomy: Yes, you can buy that vase if you want to.
- Follow Your Bliss.
- Rings on Your Fingers.
GRIEF/ SYMPATHY:
SYMPATHY: IT’S NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
Most people mean well, they really do. But every grief-stricken person should be given
a stack of instruction manuals to hand out to their friends, loved ones and also, the guy
working at the doughnut shop…just to save them undue (additional) pain and suffering.
Because, as Art Linkletter knew all too well…not only do kids say the darndest things.
So do grown-ups.
Stories in Volume I of this collection include:
- Please Stop Cooking for Us!
- Please Stop Trying to Make Me Feel Better. Before I kill you.
- But I Don’t Want Your Husband. Really.
GRIEF/ GOD:
NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN THE FACE OF A RELIGIOUS FIGURE IN MY CROISSANT
Some find organized religion and church and the concept of God comforting during times
of trauma and heartbreak. I am happy for them. I’ve tried to find comfort in it, and in my
experience, quite honestly, it seems that just when I’ve needed Him most, God has gone
off and rented a condo in Maui. And taken the minister with Him. And they have both
conveniently forgotten to bring along their cell phones. Hallelujah!
Stories in Volume I of this collection include:
- What is Sacred.
- God?
- The Vanishing Nativity: Misplacing Jesus.
GRIEF/HOSPITALS
GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOSPITAL!
Ahh. The big city hospital – a world unto itself. The cheerful lobby. The morning sunlight
streaming in through the expansive skylights. The restaurants. The gift shop. People
taking your bags. Handsome doctors chatting as they drink their latte’s. Expensive
artwork on every wall. Parking attendants, whisking your car away for you. Are you
sure we’re not at The Four Seasons? Hey…no… wait. Why are you sending us down
to the basement? What do you mean that’s where the radiation equipment is kept?
And what is this? A “sleep chair?” You’re paying my chiropractor bill! I want to go home.
This place is most definitely not worth $1,500 a night. Five stars, indeed.
Stories in Volume I of this collection include:
- Hey…was that George Clooney?
- Au Bon Pain.
- Terminal Cancer Does Not Entitle You to Free Parking.
The Irreverent Widow stories:
Share them with your friends!
Collect them all!
More to come….stay tuned.
