I see a trend in progress. I see disaster on the horizon. I see the Twitter Train of Trouble barreling toward a cute little imported sports car…that has gotten its sensitive, run-flat tires hitched on the tracks.

“You should give social media sites a try. You should be on Twitter.”   Yes. Ok.  Twitter?  What the hell is Twitter?  So I follow the guy’s advice…and I not only go on Twitter…but I find out I actually LIKE Twitter.  I like it because it allows you to showcase your witty little comments.  It allows you to goof off for a while, and do it in the name of social media networking.  It allows you to communicate in 140 character sound bites.  And, really, isn’t that what our world is coming to?  Condensing it all into sound bites?  Very helpful for the ADD crowd.  Myself (proudly) included.

But, there is a problem with the whole Twitter thing.  Perhaps those of us who are veterans of a foreign war (aka Match.com) can see the problem more clearly than others.  Any match.com survivors out there?  I can’t be the only one. Step forward, for God’s sake.  Ok.  So, for those of you who have not had the pleasure or reason to participate in the match.com experience, I will fill you in on one of the biggest problems I had with it.  Besides the fact that men who were 5′7″ would claim to be 6′1″ and would then not expect you to be even slightly annoyed upon meeting and being able to count every hair on the top of their heads.

The biggest match.com problem for me was what I like to call the “Active within one hour” effect.  This was when you would come home from a date that had gone (seemingly) well…only to click on loverboy’s profile an hour later and see the unfortunate phrase, “Active within one hour” appear on the screen.  Not “Active within 24 hours.”  Not “Active within 3 days.”  Not “Active within 3 months.”  But, “Active within ONE hour.”

Yowch.  Ok.  So, the date went well.  Oh, yeah, you were having SO much fun together.  He makes a 2nd date with you. Or a 3rd . Or a 17th.  Things are going great. BUT WAIT!  It has only been 60 minutes since that mind-melting goodnight kiss…and Mr. Dreamboat has already been back on match.com…searching for some new prey.  For another woman to bamboozle.   Your lips are still tingling, and the loser is already out there, looking for someone else to kiss before he sees you for the next date.

This is not only hurtful and disappointing. This is just plain cruel.  I mean, no one needs that much information.  And, in real life, you would not have access to that type of information.  Now, this goes both ways. I was guilty of this behaviour upon occasion,too.  But I was not really on the prowl.  I mean, maybe one of you returns from the date and freaks out a little because you like the other person too much and it’s happening too fast…so you go on match.com to do a little browsing. No real harm is done. It doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with someone else or even communicating with someone else.  In real life, if you stopped at the grocery store after your date and batted your eyelashes at, say, the guy at the deli counter, no one would be the wiser.  Yet, in cyber-dating, you get all the evidence you need for full-blown annihilation. I mean, seeing your recent date on there within an hour puts the nail right there in the coffin.  It’s internet suicide.

Now, back to Twitter.

I see Twitter as having the same potential disastrous effect.  I don’t just see it.  I have witnessed it.  I have seen it in action. Up close and personal.  It is like a trainwreck waiting to happen.  And the crash is not pretty.  I know I am not the first person to be aware of the negatives.  But, perhaps I am just very sensitive to it.  Being less a fan of online communication and more a fan of “real-life-in-person-hello-let’s-grab-coffee-kind-of-friendship” communication.

So, without further ado, and with all of the love and goodwill in my heart, I offer up the following tidbits of advice (note: The following are all purely fictitious examples: any similarities to real-life are purely accidental.  If you have been speaking of your new iPhone apps, potty training, or traffic issues on Twitter as of late, don’t bother trying to sue me.)

1. If you are doing work for me, and I am paying you, and you have not completed something that I thought you were trying earnestly to complete…I do not want to go on Twitter and see you….on Twitter.  Tweeting about the weather conditions and/or your kid’s baseball game and/or the latest iPhone application.

2. If I am supposed to be having lunch with you, and you are late, I do not want to go on Twitter and see you… on Twitter.  Tweeting about your busy day and/or your kid’s potty training issues and/or a recipe for macaroons.

3. If I am dating you, and have sent you a thoughtful message, and I am anxiously awaiting a sweet little thoughtful 2 sentence message in return,  I do not want to go on Twitter and see you…on Twitter. Tweeting about a humorous event at the office and/or the price of fresh figs and/or the fact that the bridge was up as you were driving in to work.

Mark my words.  Twitter will be the death of many a friendship, business relationship and romance.

It’s always fun, until someone pokes an eye out.  Best to separate church and state.  It’s a public forum, people.  PUBLIC.  Don’t let it ruin the personal side of your life by thinking no one sees what you write. I am as guilty as the rest. I have had my Twitter “close calls.” Hitting send when I shouldn’t have and then scrambling to hit the red panic button.  ”ABORT ABORT!!!!” It’s no better than coming home from that fabulous date and catching the idiot with “Active within one hour” plastered next to his (or her) match.com profile photo.

Relationships are important.  Internet “relationships” can be fun. They can be entertaining.  But, real life relationships are where it’s all at.  Social Media might be big at the moment…but I have a feeling (and this is just my old-fashioned gut instinct speaking to me) one day it will be responsible for a lot of damage…and that a whole lot of therapists are going to be able to buy new vacation homes off of the proceeds from the wreckage.

So, think before you type those 140 little characters.  Two sentences in cyberspace can sometimes do irreparable damage. You can hit “erase”…but there are certain things that you can’t “undo.”

Now…go out there and tweet away if you must (Lord knows, I’m hooked)…but use protection.  And, go smoke a *cigarette with a friend afterward. In the REAL world.

*Disclaimer:  THE IRREVERENT WIDOW does not actually recommend cigarette smoking.  While still standing by previous statements (made by myself) that it is damned sexy when done by the right man, and looks endlessly cool…it WILL most likely have the unfortunate side-effect of killing you.  Better death by Twitter than death by Marlboro Lights.