The Irreverent Widow » Category: Widowhood

Valentine’s Day is not for sissies.

Sandi — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 16:26:51 +0000

Day of love? Or satanic plot?

These are the days that try men’s souls. And women’s.

I speak not of our nation’s economic woes, nor of the mountains of snow threatening to collapse our roofs. No, ladies and gentlemen, I speak of the days leading up to Valentine’s Day.

The future.

Sandi — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 03:02:51 +0000

When your husband is going to die…you don’t believe it. Even when you hear the word terminal, you don’t believe it.

However, when your husband’s heart has just stopped beating and his mother is standing in your kitchen with her slacks down around her knees because, along with being emotionally numb at the loss of her child, she has the (as yet undiagnosed) beginnings of Alzheimer’s…. and your 4 year-old-son is skipping cheerily through the house proclaiming in a sing-songy voice, “Daddy’s dead!…Daddy’s dead!”…well, you begin to believe the nightmare you have just walked into.

Love, Marriage. Horse, Carriage.

Sandi — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:06:02 +0000

(I may have written this story a few years ago…but it continues to ring true, dear readers!)

After being involved in a variety of dating situations with a variety of men…and after experiencing a variety of levels of frustration…I eventually realized something that was rather disturbing. And very, very sad. Many men have been married…many men have ended up divorced…yet, many of these men have never really been in love. They got married, but they weren’t head-over-heels, madly and passionately in love. Never. Not even on their wedding day. This was shocking to me. Truly. I suppose I just always imagined that all people felt the way that Drew and I felt about one another when we tied the proverbial knot.

The sausage incident…revisited.

Sandi — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:22:52 +0000

Ok, so I wrote this story in the early summer of 2008. And I just had a repeat of the same incident. Except all three of my children were in attendance. I was still annoyed…but I didn’t end up throwing myself onto my bed and weeping. So I guess I’m making progress in the grieving/healing department. Phew!

Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Sandi — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:07:08 +0000

Today would have been Drew’s birthday. His 50th. Yikes. I always know I’ve come a long way in my grieving process when I’m awake for an hour or two before it dawns on me, “Today would have been _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .” (fill in the special occasion of your choice). In the early days, months and years….I’d live in dread of the upcoming holiday/ anniversary/birthday, etc. Eventually, I didn’t live in dread, but what would happen was almost worse. Because I’d be going along, living my life…aware that one of these special days was approaching, but not really focusing on it. Then…BAM! ZOWIE! it would suddenly be before me and I’d just fall apart.

Read more on Happy Birthday, sweetie….

Oh Tannenbaum.

Sandi — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 02:47:41 +0000

Dearest, most patient and forgiving reader: It feels like an eternity since I’ve penned my last blog post. Last night, however, brought an event so traumatic…so life-altering….so memorable… that I could barely keep my fingertips off of my keyboard when I finally got the chance to reflect upon it this evening.

Open Me

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:47:12 +0000

Open Me from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

Me

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:46:40 +0000

Me from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

Feed Me

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:46:00 +0000

Feed Me from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

Find Me

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:45:27 +0000

Find Me from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

Light Me

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:44:47 +0000

Light Me from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

Right Now

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:43:52 +0000

Right Now from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

Support Me

Sandi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:46:43 +0000

Support Me from irreverentwidow on Vimeo.

God Save the Queen.

Sandi — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 03:40:17 +0000

Happy December 26th. It’s Saturday. The day after Christmas. Boxing Day, if you are a Britophile. Although, sadly, I recently learned that Boxing Day is apparently moved to Monday if the 26th falls on a weekend. A pity…but we shall still pretend it’s today, for the sake of this posting.

What is Sacred?

Sandi — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:49:28 +0000

Since my husband Drew’s untimely death…

(which was very inconvenient and against my direct orders, I might add) I have spent an inordinate number of hours pondering what, indeed, is truly sacred. Perhaps it was because he died at Christmas. I mean, it is difficult to reconcile the death of your soul mate with the simultaneous celebration of the birth of a man whose press release says he is the Son of God. Then you throw Santa Claus and mistletoe into the mix…and you can start to imagine why a woman would need to do some serious pondering in regard to life, love, death and religion. And what is deemed hallowed…and inviolate.

Dealing with the POOP.

Sandi — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 14:05:57 +0000

In grief, as in dog walking, one must ask: ”Is putting the poop in a plastic bag & tossing it really the wisest way to deal with it?”

During the April school break, I took my three children on one of our spontaneous, ill-planned, overnight “adventures.” This time, we headed up the coast. Along the way, we enjoyed some snooping around in antique shops, consumed the requisite fried seafood and ice cream treats…and then we did what every American family does to end the day on a happy vacation note. We zipped into a weathered, old cemetery for a quick bit of fun.

Younger men pay less for life insurance.

Sandi — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:11:44 +0000

I am widowed. Which is why I am here (see my blog title). I am also dating. Which is why I am on sites like Match.com. Today, I was talking with a fellow (that sounds wrong) widow. We were talking about men. About dating them, mostly. She was feeling odd about the prospect of dating someone younger than herself. I could not immediately even grasp what she was saying. I mean, I myself have never experienced that “odd” feeling in relation to dating younger men. What other kind of men are there?? Older ones, I guess. And what exactly is the draw…? Maturity? Some brand of “fatherly-ness?” I suppose that’s attractive to some women. I don’t know. What? You throw his E.D. issues in the bucket with the fact that your breasts aren’t as perky as they once were, stir…and everyone feels equal? I just don’t see it. I mean, when I was in college and fell head-over-heels for my late husband, I thought it was kind of sweet that he was 1.5 years my senior. One and a half years seemed perfect. But let’s get real, my friends… I was 19 when we started dating in earnest. He was 20…and a HALF. What’s the big difference? There is none. Men are a bit less mature than women at that age…so it all balances out nicely. He could have been ten years older than me and it still would have seemed perfectly perfect. WHEN I WAS 19.

Seasonal Affect Dating Disorder.

Sandi — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 22:29:30 +0000

Known to many of us winter daters as: S.A.D.D.

So, here I am. Spring. A new season. A new beginning. As a widow, it also often makes me a bit melancholy. I remember the first spring after Drew died. Six springs ago…but it feels like far fewer. I saw the daffodils peeking up through the soil, and it hit me all at once and without warning: ”It’s spring. And he’s not here.” ”How could he not be here?” I thought, as tears trickled down my cheeks. Well, that’s a different topic, for a different day. Today’s topic is a bit lighter. I want to talk about men. Seasonal men, in particular. And disorders.

My Great Ass.

admin — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:14:50 +0000

I never thought of myself as having a great behind. I mean, I always knew I had a nice body…but, as a woman who recalls having once layered 8 pair of cotton underwear under her jeans (at age 13) before going to dinner at some friend of the family’s house because they had a cute son her age and she wanted her derriere to appear, more, well…prevalent…let’s just say that I never thought of my ass as my greatest asset.