The Irreverent Widow » Love

The “Date-Us-Hate-Us.”

Sandi — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:52:31 +0000

A few months ago, I realized how much of my life force was being sucked out of me by dating the wrong men. And, sometimes, dating the SAME wrong men more than once! Shocking, I know, in light of my “Wash, Rinse, Repeat” dating story… but yes, dear reader, even I make errors in judgment. This realization led me to go on a “Dating Hiatus”….something I’ve done before, but have never really done wholeheartedly…and for the right reasons. Before, I’d say something like, “I should really stop dating and concentrate on my work and my children.” Of course, after 3 weeks of no dinners out (and, even more distressing, no kissing and/or sex)…I would always cave. Probably because I didn’t REALLY mean it when I said I should stop dating. In reality, I still had my heart set on finding the right man. Finding someone to fill the void left when I lost Drew. I still felt that the rest of my life wouldn’t make sense without that puzzle piece being replaced.

Read more on The “Date-Us-Hate-Us.”…

WANTED: Soul mate…with throw-up bowl.

Sandi — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 13:16:01 +0000

There are two sounds that can simultaneously awaken me from a deep sleep…and strike fear into my heart. The first is the sound of a gargantuan pine tree falling onto my house (see my “Oh Tannenbaum” blog post from the end of February). The second is the sound of a child. Vomiting. IN MY BED.

Love, Marriage. Horse, Carriage.

Sandi — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:06:02 +0000

(I may have written this story a few years ago…but it continues to ring true, dear readers!)

After being involved in a variety of dating situations with a variety of men…and after experiencing a variety of levels of frustration…I eventually realized something that was rather disturbing. And very, very sad. Many men have been married…many men have ended up divorced…yet, many of these men have never really been in love. They got married, but they weren’t head-over-heels, madly and passionately in love. Never. Not even on their wedding day. This was shocking to me. Truly. I suppose I just always imagined that all people felt the way that Drew and I felt about one another when we tied the proverbial knot.

Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Sandi — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:07:08 +0000

Today would have been Drew’s birthday. His 50th. Yikes. I always know I’ve come a long way in my grieving process when I’m awake for an hour or two before it dawns on me, “Today would have been _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .” (fill in the special occasion of your choice). In the early days, months and years….I’d live in dread of the upcoming holiday/ anniversary/birthday, etc. Eventually, I didn’t live in dread, but what would happen was almost worse. Because I’d be going along, living my life…aware that one of these special days was approaching, but not really focusing on it. Then…BAM! ZOWIE! it would suddenly be before me and I’d just fall apart.

Read more on Happy Birthday, sweetie….

“Swan Song” Mug

Sandi — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:13:47 +0000

Turn that frown upside-down with a frothy cappuccino….served in your own very special white, feathered mug! This elegant mug comes from the estate of Madame Monique Le Bateau…a ballerina who, in her final years, could no longer perform en pointe due to an abundance of bunion surgery. Her Russian lover, Vladimir, told me that the loss of his soul mate has made it too painful to drink his vodka from this cup, but he begged me to find someone who would cherish it. Could that someone be you? *

My Lunch Date with Ben Affleck

Sandi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:14:34 +0000

Surprise and delight your date, gentlemen. Do not surprise and disappoint!

Balls of Steel= Dating Success

Sandi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:13:59 +0000

Toss the lacy little thongs and keep a pair of these in your panty drawer, Ladies!

Male Plumage: Dating Entertainment for Women

Sandi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:13:34 +0000

"Male Plumage: He -Men Return to Elegance"

Sheet Music: Dating Entertainment for Women

Sandi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:12:45 +0000

Do not settle for crumbs, ladies!! What we can learn from vintage sheet music.

My Great Ass: A Shockingly True Tale.

Sandi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:12:17 +0000

Revelations on mid-life dating.

Younger Men Pay Less for Life Insurance.

Sandi — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:11:31 +0000

Practical thoughts on dating after widowhood.

What is Sacred?

Sandi — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:49:28 +0000

Since my husband Drew’s untimely death…

(which was very inconvenient and against my direct orders, I might add) I have spent an inordinate number of hours pondering what, indeed, is truly sacred. Perhaps it was because he died at Christmas. I mean, it is difficult to reconcile the death of your soul mate with the simultaneous celebration of the birth of a man whose press release says he is the Son of God. Then you throw Santa Claus and mistletoe into the mix…and you can start to imagine why a woman would need to do some serious pondering in regard to life, love, death and religion. And what is deemed hallowed…and inviolate.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Sandi — Fri, 15 May 2009 11:27:45 +0000

DEAREST (and most patient) READER:

It has been a busy month for me. The world of widowhood, dating and single parenting has, as usual, caused me to lose track of time. A month since my last posting? Goodness! But all has not been for naught…as I have come back rejuvenated and filled to the brim with deep thoughts and brilliantly helpful tips!

Younger men pay less for life insurance.

Sandi — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:11:44 +0000

I am widowed. Which is why I am here (see my blog title). I am also dating. Which is why I am on sites like Match.com. Today, I was talking with a fellow (that sounds wrong) widow. We were talking about men. About dating them, mostly. She was feeling odd about the prospect of dating someone younger than herself. I could not immediately even grasp what she was saying. I mean, I myself have never experienced that “odd” feeling in relation to dating younger men. What other kind of men are there?? Older ones, I guess. And what exactly is the draw…? Maturity? Some brand of “fatherly-ness?” I suppose that’s attractive to some women. I don’t know. What? You throw his E.D. issues in the bucket with the fact that your breasts aren’t as perky as they once were, stir…and everyone feels equal? I just don’t see it. I mean, when I was in college and fell head-over-heels for my late husband, I thought it was kind of sweet that he was 1.5 years my senior. One and a half years seemed perfect. But let’s get real, my friends… I was 19 when we started dating in earnest. He was 20…and a HALF. What’s the big difference? There is none. Men are a bit less mature than women at that age…so it all balances out nicely. He could have been ten years older than me and it still would have seemed perfectly perfect. WHEN I WAS 19.

Seasonal Affect Dating Disorder.

Sandi — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 22:29:30 +0000

Known to many of us winter daters as: S.A.D.D.

So, here I am. Spring. A new season. A new beginning. As a widow, it also often makes me a bit melancholy. I remember the first spring after Drew died. Six springs ago…but it feels like far fewer. I saw the daffodils peeking up through the soil, and it hit me all at once and without warning: ”It’s spring. And he’s not here.” ”How could he not be here?” I thought, as tears trickled down my cheeks. Well, that’s a different topic, for a different day. Today’s topic is a bit lighter. I want to talk about men. Seasonal men, in particular. And disorders.

My Great Ass.

admin — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:14:50 +0000

I never thought of myself as having a great behind. I mean, I always knew I had a nice body…but, as a woman who recalls having once layered 8 pair of cotton underwear under her jeans (at age 13) before going to dinner at some friend of the family’s house because they had a cute son her age and she wanted her derriere to appear, more, well…prevalent…let’s just say that I never thought of my ass as my greatest asset.

The 6 Years of Christmas.

Sandi — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:25:00 +0000

All chipper and bright. Maids-a-milking and chicks dancing and drummer dudes drumming. Sounds like a real party! And that poor partridge, stuck up there in that pear tree, afraid to come down lest he be attacked by the three horny French Hens. Or are they French horns? No matter. And then there are the five golden rings. Ahhh, yes. The rings. Which make me think of wedding rings. And weddings. And marriage. And MY marriage. And my husband. And the fact that he is now my DEAD husband. And the tragedy that was his death by pancreatic cancer, on the magically beautiful snowy morning after Christmas. Circa 2002. Sad is a word that does that Christmas no justice. Yes. How I have always loved Christmas.

Read more on The 6 Years of Christmas….

Death by Twitter.

Sandi — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:05:05 +0000

I see a trend in progress. I see disaster on the horizon. I see the Twitter Train of Trouble barreling toward a cute little imported sports car…that has gotten its sensitive, run-flat tires hitched on the tracks.

My Widowhood Thesis: How writing my web site content earned me my Ph.D.

Sandi — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 17:06:29 +0000

Web content? Ph.D.? Okay…so I didn’t really get to stand on a podium in a cap and gown and deliver the commencement speech…but I should have. At least that’s the way it would be, if life were fair. Which we all know it is not. I needed a brand new web site. “Sandi, you need to fill in this outline with all of your content, and when you’re through, send it back to us and we will turn it into your web site.” Poof! Magic! Cool!