replay?

» Category: Grief.

Post on: April 4th, 2014

Seasons.

(Installment #one of the “IW outtakes and take-outs”)

I have a certain dread of the autumn/winter season…although it is my favorite time of the year.  It makes it even worse, in fact, that it is my favorite time of the year…and that I now find myself struggling every year to simply “make it through.”

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Post on: February 11th, 2011

Valentine’s Day is not for sissies.

Day of love? Or satanic plot?

These are the days that try men’s souls.  And women’s.

I speak not of our nation’s economic woes, nor of the mountains of snow threatening to collapse our roofs. No, ladies and gentlemen, I speak of the days leading up to Valentine’s Day.

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Post on: January 17th, 2011

The future.

When your husband is going to die…you don’t believe it.   Even when you hear the word terminal, you don’t believe it.

However, when your husband’s heart has just stopped beating and his mother is standing in your kitchen with her slacks down around her knees because, along with being emotionally numb at the loss of her child, she has the (as yet undiagnosed) beginnings of Alzheimer’s…. and your 4 year-old-son is skipping cheerily through the house proclaiming in a sing-songy voice, “Daddy’s dead!…Daddy’s dead!”…well, you begin to believe the nightmare you have just walked into.

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Post on: March 6th, 2010

Happy Birthday, sweetie.

Today would have been Drew’s birthday. His 50th. Yikes. I always know I’ve come a long way in my grieving process when I’m awake for an hour or two before it dawns on me, “Today would have been _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .” (fill in the special occasion of your choice). In the early days, months and years….I’d live in dread of the upcoming holiday/ anniversary/birthday, etc. Eventually, I didn’t live in dread, but what would happen was almost worse. Because I’d be going along, living my life…aware that one of these special days was approaching, but not really focusing on it. Then…BAM! ZOWIE! it would suddenly be before me and I’d just fall apart.

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Post on: December 26th, 2009

God Save the Queen.

God Save the Queen!

Happy December 26th. It’s Saturday. The day after Christmas.  Boxing Day, if you are a Britophile. Although, sadly, I recently learned that Boxing Day is apparently moved to Monday if the 26th falls on a weekend.  A pity…but we shall still pretend it’s today, for the sake of  this posting.

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Post on: December 12th, 2009

What is Sacred?

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Since my husband Drew’s untimely death…

(which was very inconvenient and against my direct orders, I might add) I have spent an inordinate number of hours pondering what, indeed, is truly sacred. Perhaps it was because he died at Christmas.  I mean, it is difficult to reconcile the death of your soul mate with the simultaneous celebration of the birth of a man whose press release says he is the Son of God.  Then you throw Santa Claus and mistletoe into the mix…and you can start to imagine why a woman would need to do some serious pondering in regard to life, love, death and religion. And what is deemed hallowed…and inviolate.

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Post on: June 6th, 2009

Dealing with the POOP.

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In grief, as in dog walking, one must ask:  “Is putting the poop in a plastic bag & tossing it really the wisest way to deal with it?”


During the April school break, I took my three children on one of our spontaneous, ill-planned, overnight “adventures.” This time, we headed up the coast. Along the way, we enjoyed some snooping around in antique shops, consumed the requisite fried seafood and ice cream treats…and then we did what every American family does to end the day on a happy vacation note.  We zipped into a weathered, old cemetery for a quick bit of fun.

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Post on: December 17th, 2008

The 6 Years of Christmas.

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We all know the catchy little holiday tune,

All chipper and bright.  Maids-a-milking and chicks dancing and drummer dudes drumming.  Sounds like a real party! And that poor partridge, stuck up there in that pear tree, afraid to come down lest he be attacked by the three horny French Hens.  Or are they French horns?  No matter. And then there are the five golden rings.  Ahhh, yes. The rings.  Which make me think of wedding rings.  And weddings. And marriage.  And MY marriage.  And my husband.  And the fact that he is now my DEAD husband. And the tragedy that was his death by pancreatic cancer, on the magically beautiful snowy morning after Christmas.  Circa 2002.  Sad is a word that does that Christmas no justice.  Yes. How I have always loved Christmas.

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Post on: October 29th, 2008

My Widowhood Thesis: How writing my
web site content earned me my Ph.D.

Web content? Ph.D.?  Okay…so I didn’t really get to stand on a podium in a cap and gown and deliver the commencement speech…but I should have.  At least that’s the way it would be, if life were fair.  Which we all know it is not.  I needed a brand new web site. “Sandi, you need to fill in this outline with all of your content, and when you’re through, send it back to us and we will turn it into your web site.”  Poof!  Magic! Cool!

Read more on My Widowhood Thesis: How writing my
web site content earned me my Ph.D….