Recently, I reluctantly purchased something with accordion pleats, reinforced gussets, and elastic closures. No it was not, as one friend suggested, a corset. I bought folders. Legal sized folders. If you are over the age of 21 and own anything beyond a toothbrush, tickets to a Lady Gaga concert and perhaps a winter jacket, you know precisely the folders of which I speak.
Most of us are familiar with the concept known as “six degrees of separation.” It’s the idea that all humans are within six steps of connectivity. That whole friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend thing.
Happy World Menopause Day, Ladies!
Just when you thought there were no more holidays for Hallmark to cash in on…here you have it. A day for the world to celebrate the cessation of our menstrual cycles.
I LOVE this card.
The fact that I have it taped to one of the glass panes of my kitchen door goes a long way in explaining why my house was not chosen for the celebrated “Cape Elizabeth Kitchen Tour” which will be taking place in a few short weeks.
(This weeks ”NO SUGAR ADDED” Column, in The Forecaster Newspapers)
I hate running.
My adversarial relationship with the sport began as a freshman in college. After a few too many Fritos, a friend suggested we form a running group. Before I knew what I was being sucked into – wham! – my alarm clock was rudely awakening me at 4:30 a.m. on a chilly autumn morning and I was propelling myself toward the iconic steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, just like Sylvester Stallone in “Rocky.”
A few months ago, I realized how much of my life force was being sucked out of me by dating the wrong men. And, sometimes, dating the SAME wrong men more than once! Shocking, I know, in light of my “Wash, Rinse, Repeat” dating story… but yes, dear reader, even I make errors in judgment. This realization led me to go on a “Dating Hiatus”….something I’ve done before, but have never really done wholeheartedly…and for the right reasons. Before, I’d say something like, “I should really stop dating and concentrate on my work and my children.” Of course, after 3 weeks of no dinners out (and, even more distressing, no kissing and/or sex)…I would always cave. Probably because I didn’t REALLY mean it when I said I should stop dating. In reality, I still had my heart set on finding the right man. Finding someone to fill the void left when I lost Drew. I still felt that the rest of my life wouldn’t make sense without that puzzle piece being replaced.
Earlier this week, I received a piece of mail that once again left me wondering about the state of our so called technologically advanced civilization. I walked into my kitchen and casually leafed through the unwanted pile of envelopes and useless flyers from a variety of stores I never shop in. And there I saw it….lurking beneath a circular. Four sinister letters, emblazoned upon the corner of an otherwise un-noteworthy white business envelope: AARP. The American Association of Retired Persons. Or People. Or Peeps. For those of you actually of retirement age, peeps is slang for “people”…I’m not making reference to those yellow marshmallow chicks served up at Easter. Although I think an assisted living development filled with marshmallow chicks playing Mahjong would be something to really look forward to in my later years.
There are two sounds that can simultaneously awaken me from a deep sleep…and strike fear into my heart. The first is the sound of a gargantuan pine tree falling onto my house (see my “Oh Tannenbaum” blog post from the end of February). The second is the sound of a child. Vomiting. IN MY BED.
(I may have written this story a few years ago…but it continues to ring true, dear readers!)
After being involved in a variety of dating situations with a variety of men…and after experiencing a variety of levels of frustration…I eventually realized something that was rather disturbing. And very, very sad. Many men have been married…many men have ended up divorced…yet, many of these men have never really been in love. They got married, but they weren’t head-over-heels, madly and passionately in love. Never. Not even on their wedding day. This was shocking to me. Truly. I suppose I just always imagined that all people felt the way that Drew and I felt about one another when we tied the proverbial knot.